Bears Quarterback Love

Being a Chicago Bears fan is like being in a bad relationship. When people look back at bad relationships, they point out to how bad things were, but there is a reason we stay in these relationships. There is some good to it. For the Bears, it’s defense. The Bears have had a ton of tremendous defensive players to watch over the years, and that’s really enjoyable. The offensive side of the ball? Eh, not so much. Nowhere is this more emblematic than with the Chicago Bears quarterback situation.

We could go back my entire lifetime of Bears quarterbacks and not find a truly successful story. At best, Jim McMahon is probably a marriage that ended in divorce with shared custody of children. It’s not the worst situation, but it’s certainly not the best. But, I don’t want to bore people with what kind of relationship Henry Burris was, and will instead just focus from 2017 to present day.

 

Mike Glennon

Glennon is the girl that’s obsessed with you, and you almost feel obligated to take them out a few times. You don’t really have feelings for them in any way. They’re really not your type. But the attention is really nice, and what’s the worst that can happen? You don’t ever have a good time going out with them, but you didn’t really have high expectations any way, so it’s not really all that harmful. It passes a bit of time until you find someone you actually like.

 

Pat O’Donnell

1-1 with a touchdown. O’Donnell is obviously a drunken makeout that you insist was “super hot,” but your friends was “super not.” Either way, I bet O’Donnell has a very pleasant personality.

 

Mitch Trubisky

There are two types of Bears fans. The Bears fans who say Mitch Trubisky is not Patrick Mahomes so therefore he is a hemorrhoid that must be destroyed. And then there are Bears fans who understand that Trubisky is not Mahomes, but like, nobody is, and it’s not really his fault. Patrick Mahomes wouldn’t be PATRICK MAHOMES playing for the Bears. And let’s not forget 2018. 2018 was a magical season. The Bears were 12-4. One loss was a 21-point comeback by Aaron Rodgers. Two losses were in overtime. And the last one would have gone to overtime, but the Bears literally came up a yard short on a completed Hail Mary. They were nearly 16-0 that season. Unfortunately, there is no record of what happened in the playoffs.

That’s why I have no ill will towards Mitch. Trubisky is a first love. Maybe you’re not totally emotionally mature when it happens, but at the time, Mitch was the girl that meant everything to you. You didn’t know you could have these sorts of feelings, and it’s so exciting. That’s what it’s like to have a young, promising quarterback. Even if things start to look shaky, you convince yourself that things will turn around, because if these feelings aren’t real, then is anything in this world real? You want it to work out, but the deeper the relationship goes, the more you realize that this probably isn’t the one.

So you split apart, but there is no ill will. Mitch will always be that first love, and I can look back fondly on the good times while the bad times slowly fade from memory. I want the best for Mitch, and at this point, I just want him to be happy.

 

Tarik Cohen

Cohen has thrown three passes, two of which are touchdowns. This is going through your experimental phase. It’s very exciting, but it also doesn’t feel quite right, so you realize that even though it’s not wrong, it’s not right for you.

 

Chase Daniel

REBOUND. You are just trying to make another girl jealous. There’s no deep feelings here, but it’s nice to just feel safe sometimes.

 

Nick Foles

The Chicago Bears experiment with Nick Foles is like being interested in someone with some serious red flags that you’re overlooking for convenience. It could be that they’re rich, but not that good of a person. On top of that, you swear they are good looking, but they just take really bad pictures. You never get totally invested in this one.

 

Andy Dalton

This is a fling with a MUCH older woman. It’s different, which is neat, but it’s also weird, and her 17-year-old son woke you up at one point because he didn’t know where his second controller was. You quickly realize this isn’t for you

 

Justin Fields

…and then she walks in. Right now, Justin Fields is perfect. Perfect to the point that I’m not even sure if I deserve this sort of quarterback in my life. I mean, I’ve been beaten down so much that maybe I should just learn to settle. But even though TLC warned me, I won’t stop chasing waterfalls. I know I’ve had a lot of failures in love in the past, but maybe they were all preparing me for this moment. I’ve love and lost along the way, but now that I’ve found “The One,” everything just feels like it was meant to be.

This is what quarterback love should be. So now that I’m with Justin, I no longer need to play the Field(s).

 Author: Joe Loncarich